In the month of December, I suddenly feel like it's summer. The sky became clearer, the sun shines when I saw this old friend of mine named Michelle. We used to hang out when we were just kids. Under in the Talisay tree that was near the shore. We kept on playing together and like there was no end. We both shared with a lovely smile. We were just kids back then and we were just focused on making ourselves to be happy.
After we graduated in high school, Michelle went abroad to study. I thought I will be alright when she left. But a week after she left I kind of missed her and I wanted to see her. Although, when time flies so fast like a wind that blows in the season of summer. It was hot for sure but I felt cold thinking she's no longer here with me.
"I miss you, Michelle," I said it under that Talisay tree with tears falling.
I was watching fireworks from the kids playing into it.
"Hi, Pau." A voice of a woman just tapped my shoulder.
I turned my head right away without hesitation who might be. I'm stunned and speechless as I saw this pretty woman in front of me. She shows me with the cutest and loveliest smile that I've ever seen. I don't know what to say because I didn't think she will become this so much beauty. I barely said a word continuously because I can't believe she's in front of me.
"M--i--che--lle----?" I stare at her while the mouth is open.
She just laughs, maybe because of my facial expressions. Well, who would act normally after seeing your old friend that became so pretty?
"How are you?" She said
I immediately closed my mouth while the way speaks is not smooth.
"Ahem, ahem..I'm fine, how about you?"
She continues smiling while we are talking. She told me that she's working now at the Bureau of fire protection(BFP). She keeps on talking to me while as if I'm just listening. Actually, I'm just focusing on staring her pretty face. I still can't believe that I am seeing her right now. Our conversation lasts long while she keeps on talking about how we were when we're just young. All I'm doing, while she's talking, is just nodding my head and just answers with "yes."
Maybe Michelle notices me how I looked at her so seriously. Maybe she already knew that actually, I fall for her the moment I saw her. So what she does to break the ice is to pause suddenly.
"Actually, Pau I have something to tell you." She said
I don't understand but I unexpectedly feel a cold vibe. The hot feeling I felt from the time I laid my eyes on her is gone. She's so serious so I just break the moment with a smile and stupid joke.
"Come on, don't be so serious. I just arrived in heaven and then you'll push me to hell."
"So, what is it, Michelle?"
I don't understand why she hesitates to tell me what is it. She talks and then she stops.
"Don't be afraid, just say it and I will understand it," I said but in my thoughts, I don't want to hear it.
"I'm getting married and my wedding will be on Sunday after Christmas Day." She said then glimpse
There are no words that will come out even though I don't want her to think I'm feeling pain. I don't want to be obvious that I'm hurting inside but I found it hard to control myself what kind of emotions to answer after what she just said.
"Michelle will get married, really?" In my thoughts, while sighing inside.
I'm holding myself not to look awkward in front of her, my friend. Still, I can't handle myself not to. I don't know how to fix my sad face to make smile.
"Okay Pau, I need to go." She said because there are no exact words I know to answer what she said.
I turned my back on her while she's walking away. The tears are flooding in my heart that makes me hard to breathe. I force myself to speak because even though it's hard for me too. My dreams to be with her is fading, my hope to hold her hand while walking is gone. My heart is crying inside that wants me to shout to explode this sadness and it will be gone.
"Ah, I can't control anymore," I whispered while crying and making a sound.
I'm sobbing like a child who cried so much. I can't hide my tears any longer and I wanted her to see me in pain even though it's embarrassing. I don't care anymore because she will be gone this time for sure. There's no way that we can still be together like before. To be precise, there's no way that she will love me as well.
She hears my crying and I saw her planning to walk towards me. I raise my hand and said.
"Stop, please don't come any closer."
I saw her looks so sad. She might now love me but we are friends. I want her to be happy even though she's not mine. Even though it's not me who can make her happy.
"I wish you happiness and a perfect marriage. Don't worry about me, I'm confused and surprise that's why I can't stop myself acting this way. Time will heal anyway so please go for now and I'll think if I'll be there in your marriage."
I said to her and glimpse while tears are falling. It's really painful and regretful that I'm not the one she loves. There's no pain I feel like this.
She understands me and she just left while I continue crying mesmerising our past.