Food for Sister
Why do you want to write it when you can say it? What's the difference if the message you want to deliver is the same? How writing becomes so special when there's no feeling you can see from it? I have so many questions but I still choose to write if because for me it's easy to express my thoughts. I remember when someone broke up with me through a message. I refused to accept it because for me it's not a proper way of doing it. That's what I thought before when I was naive and ignorant how does the writing important.
I am a type person that becomes speechless when facing someone in person. I remember when I stood up in the blackboard and did a discussion. My chest felt so tight and my mind went black as I saw my classmates sitting in the chair watching me. They were laughing when I seated back in my chair because I was really nervous but my teacher forced me to discuss my topic. I had no choice but stood up again and explained the topic. They were laughing at me because my voice was shaking. I was really nervous and even when I finished reporting I still felt the uncomfortable feeling.
I realised that I'm not really good at talking someone in person. I applied for a job many times and still what I wanted to tell wasn't come out from my mouth. Of course, I wasn't hired because I didn't satisfy the interviewers. I wasn't that expressive before even on Facebook. I know my friends and family can read my posts. But in hive, it has so much difference even though I will keep on writing. Even though for those who know me really well they couldn't believe that it was I writing like this. A dramatic free-writers and always wrote his sadness here in hive. Sometimes I felt ashamed of what I already wrote especially when it's about my emotions. Even so, my loneliness was fade after I wrote it.
I have so many reasons why I keep on writing in hive. From the first place, I don't have any talent. Of course, I won't admit that I have talent in writing because it's obvious from earnings and votes. It's very clear to me that they don't like it. Some of them may like it but not the same as those who received a bunch of audiences.
I won't lie that money was the one that dragged me here in hive. There will be sweetness when you can have something after what you just did. There should always be a prize or else there's no juice in your hard work. That's what I thought before but when I realised what's the most significant impact in writing. I started to ignore the earnings sometimes but it doesn't mean I don't want rewards. I still want it of course because I have no job for now and hive is the one providing me food. It's just that it gives me more happiness compared before that I didn't start writing here.
I'm sad, disappointed, happy, inspired and many more. When I will feel that kind of emotions. Something's in my mind urges me to write. It's not for the audience or the earnings but it's for me. I wanted to write it where I can feel it more what am I feeling especially that there's no one to tell about those emotions. When I started writing it made me continue in writing and when I finished writing I felt satisfied. I admit that I'm not really good at using wonderful words to sugar coat my content. My grammar is a bit off sometimes to let my readers will understand it clearly. There are so many things that I lack in writing. I know that of course but I want to forget it all when I just wanted to write. There's a part of me that never cared about how my readers would feel after reading it. The goal I am aiming in writing it is to satisfy myself and I can express my emotions.
Why writing in hive?
I'm happy expressing my thoughts through writing. I felt that my heart became lighter after. Also, it's because of the people sometimes will comfort me. Their empathy to me made me happy and their words made me inspired to keep on writing. Then I just felt that the conversation was started already. When I don't have someone to share what was on my mind. I just wrote it like a free-write or an article. When there were dreams I didn't make it. I wrote it through a fiction story and I enjoyed myself reading it. There are so many reasons but these details are the best reasons for me.
Thank you for reading