It's hurting you emotionally that you're thinking to end your life. Just like when depression strikes to those people. They committed suicide because they thought no one's there for them. They thought that the world didn't need them. It's not a normal way of thinking. According to what I've read before, it's a sickness of the brain. No one knows what's the medicine for it but in my opinion, they just need someone to comfort them. They should be watched and there should be someone to make them think that they're being love.
This is not easy to do that because all of us have different wants in life. We might want to be with them sometimes but it doesn't mean all the time. Humans are selfish though, they should be in the things they want. It's rare to see humans sacrifice themselves for someone. We can understand this kind of thinking because correct me if I'm wrong we are thinking that way as well. We even hurt someone just because of our happiness. How much more to be happy about someone's happiness.
All of us feel sadness inside that we didn't even think of being with people. To heal that sadness is to be with everyone but how can we heal it when we didn't want to be with them. Our lives are so tricky that is hard to explain which is it that we really want. Even it's hard to understand it's part of us as human. Don't think more or we will just be drowned from it.
I know I stated how the lonely person thinks but there's no way I can tell them not to be lonely. I've been like that sometimes or maybe most of the time. I saw the world sometimes so dark that there was no reason for me to go out. I didn't think of killing myself but I'm thinking to hurt myself. It's not physically but mentally where I want to cry and cry. I want to feel that sadness that made my heart broken into pieces.
The time came that the hurt feeling in my chest was being part of me. There were times that I missed and I wanted to feel it again. That feeling when you want to be loved so much but people ignored it and just left me. Sometimes I was jealous of those people who can smile hard from the camera and can smile like no ending outside the world. So I asked myself, "how can I smile that much if I wanted to be alone?" The problem is I'm stuck in this kind of feeling already.
I'm just human and have vulnerable feelings. Don't get me wrong if I wanted to be happy sometimes. Even though I killed myself sometimes being afraid to go out. Killing it by avoiding myself to be happy with friends. Killing it by not showing happiness to the world. This is just how it feels at the time of my loneliness. Too many regrets but I don't know how to find the answer. I'm afraid because I'm afraid to be rejected to have that happiness.
thank you for reading