The pain I never knew

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I was so happy when I was with her. Everything that surrounds me seems magical. The time I had with her was so perfect. Then I said to myself, "so this is love?" I really love that feeling when I just looked at her and I suddenly smiled. All I was thinking that time was hoping that being with her never ends. I wish that we could be together until the day of my last breath.

The time has passed and my love towards her grew deeper. I wanted to hold her and never let her go. Although, sometimes I felt like I was being selfish. I was only concerned with how I felt. I didn't ask her if she's really happy with what I was doing. I ignored her thoughts to be free sometimes and wanted to be in a place I wasn't there. I had no idea that she was thinking like that. It was painful for me to see that the woman I wanted to be with me forever cuts the rope that ties us together.

I could tell that she was acting differently from before. I chose to ignore it because it's better this way rather than seeing her go away. I endured it all while hoping that she will love me again like before. She will be happy when the first time we promised to stay forever.

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I thought it will be alright. I thought it will be back from what we used to be. But I noticed that she smiled differently when I wasn't there with her. The peace in her face showed, just like how she looked like when I first laid my eyes towards her. I was smiling watching her so delighted even though my heart cried inside. All I want was to see her be happy like that. I couldn't do it for her so I was thinking why was I still here.

I confronted her to tell how she really felt. Without hesitation, she answered me calmly that we should end this. I didn't cry but I frowned hearing her answered. I just then said to her not asking for sympathy. "I'm sorry for giving you grief. I thought all I did was correct to make you happy." I turned my back started walking away with her. Tears began to flood all over my eyes that it's hard for me to see. I wanted to shout because it was so painful inside. It was hard for me to breathe by restraining myself not to cry out loud. That was the reality but it's hard for me to accept because of my love towards her.

thank you for reading

mrnightmare