My heart couldn't stop beating just by thinking of Rena. The memories of us would not fade even though I tried so hard. It felt so hard living in this world without her by my side. However, the night told me that everything would separate.

5 years have passed already since Rena and I broke up.


He paused while catching her breath to speak again from crying. Of course, I did the same, there were no words to say seeing her so emotional.

"I'm sorry but I need to end this relationship of us."

I was thinking it would be like this but hearing it from her was too painful to bear. I still couldn't understand what she was talking. Her words were hardly being digested. I left empty as I didn't know what to do.

"Rena wait….."

"Rena, please wait I'm begging…."

She walked away without looking while I was kneeling and waited for her to come back to me.

Since then I didn't hear from her but I just heard that she left and gone abroad. I just realized that she wanted to achieve her dreams.

Classmates' reunion came, and we were classmates back then so obviously I was hoping to see her. I made sure that I looked handsome, I wore the best clothes that I just bought. The beating of my heart never stops, in fact, it became faster and faster as I entered the place where the reunion should be celebrated.

Tears fell from inside as I hid them through the smile I wore facing my old classmates. I melted not from joy but from sadness upon seeing Rena's facial expressions which were so happy while holding a guy in her arms next to her.

"Hi, John."

She just noticed me at last that it lasted for almost an hour staring at her.

"Hi, Rena."

I replied calmly despite the agonizing feeling in my heart. She just looked away from me after she greeted me. It was painful to bear seeing her eyes and that she didn't feel anything towards me. Clearly enough, she forgot me already while I was there reminiscing our memories and hoping to get back the way we used to before.

"Where are you going, John?"

My friend Henry and my classmate too asked me after I turned my back on them all of a sudden.

"Sorry but I need some air."

I left immediately before my tears would fell endlessly in front of them. I walked as fast outside to find a quiet place. My heart was suffocating from the pretentious smile I wore. I wanted to let it out like shout it.

"Hey man, are you alright?"

Henry just witnessed me sobbing. I tried to wipe the tears but they would not stop as I pretended to smile and answered him.

"Ha-ha-ha, of course, man."

I lied.

"Don't lie to me man, that's why–"

I interrupted him while talking.

"How would I be okay, man? I saw Rena the love of my life with someone else. I've been loving her since then and until now but she is totally okay. Not only that, she's with a guy she loves now."

I caught my breath first.


I shouted and faced him but to my surprise, there was Rena with him. I wasn't expecting her to be with Henry. I turned my back on them and unknowingly I cried so much like a man who needed someone to comfort.

"Sorry John. It was not my intention to hurt you like this. I was thinking to tell you from the beginning but I didn't know how to say it to your face."

"From the beginning?"

I muttered and she stopped talking.

"What do you mean by that?"

I was so nervous because I thought something painful would be unfolded.

"When I decided to break up with you it was because of him."

I touched my chest, feeling so much pain in my heart.

"I actually had never loved you, John. I thought I could when time passes by but I was wrong. There's no way I could teach the heart to do so. It was just hard to let you go because you're so kind and loving. I forced myself that time when I learned that he would find another woman if I would not break up with you and we would never start dating at that time."

I sobbed heavily learning the whole truth.

"I'm sorry John, I just love him so much that even hurting you was not a choice."

I sobbed. I started walking away from them. For all the things that I did for her was just stupid. It was my stupid delusion that she's happy with it. I fooled myself, actually, it was me just hurt myself.

"Where are you going, John?"

Henry asked and I looked back, showing a smiling face while welling tears.

"I need to find a way how to make my heart numb. It will kill me if I can't do anything about this stupid feeling."