Food for Sister
"Are you okay?"
I felt a little embarrassed when someone asked me all of a sudden. My tears were already pouring like rain.
I wiped it slowly and was changing my voice to fool myself that I was not crying. I made sure to remove the wet face of me before looking back at who that voice was that somehow made me feel better.
I didn't look back to learn who that woman's voice was.
"You know it's okay…"
She said and I insisted on what she was talking about.
"What do you mean?"
I chuckled and foolishly lied about what I just did and what I was feeling.
"You know it's okay to cry to release everything that makes us feel down. I'm like that sometimes."
I just nodded and I noticed I was feeling free. I was thinking of letting it all out thanks to her.
"Like that…cry. No one is stopping you because no one has the right to. No one knows what you've been through."
I cried, cried like a baby so loud. I cried so hard that I never cared who might see me being like that.
I was thinking of saying I was thankful because of her but when I looked she was not there. I rose from where I was seated to find her but she was no longer in my sight.
"I forgot to ask her name," I whispered.
1 year and a half I finally managed to handle the despair of losing my woman. It was so heavy back then because I couldn't do anything. The reason she died is because of me. I didn't have a better job to take her immediately to a hospital. I was so hopeless that I ended up crying in a lonely park to be alone.
I went back a couple of times to that park where I saw that woman once I was on my day off. Not like before, I became a busy man after being hired at a decent job. I felt an inch of regret for not knowing her name, even so, I was thankful. If not because of her words and comforting, maybe I was longer gone. It was too much for me to handle all the pain alone.
"You know it's okay to cry."
I copied what that woman did when I saw a woman start crying not far from me. I went beside her and slowly told her what the previous woman told me when I was deeply down. Just like I reacted, the woman did as well and I could tell why.
The woman was slowly looking back at me but I didn't understand why. I felt excited to see who she was. Maybe I was hoping that this woman was the woman who saved me a year ago. I was desperate to see her again because I didn't have the chance to thank her or maybe not only that. I was moved by her that I wanted her to be my friend or maybe more.
I couldn't believe who this woman I just saw was. I was speechless. I was stunned that I didn't know what to do. The beating of my heart all of sudden beat so fast that I thought of forgetting to breathe.
She smiled as she called my name. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I was so happy but at the same time couldn't believe it.
I now understood what happened a year ago when I was in despair. I now remembered who was that voice I just heard. I just didn't recognize it since I was so caught up in the pain I was feeling.
I rushed to hug her but I couldn't do so. I forgot that Cynthia, my woman, no longer exists. She died a year and a half ago. I was anguished to hug her but I chose to be reasonable and stopped myself from crying. I showed her a smile while the tears were endlessly falling.
"Thank you, Cynthia. Don't worry about me anymore. I'm okay now so please rest in peace, my love."
She smiled and faded. I sobbed but not feeling despair any more for her sake not to be a wanderer soul. I miss her of course, and secretly while covering my mouth I was crying.