Live if you're Alive



I shouted desperately facing the sky as my tears kept pouring like rain in a thunderstorm. I felt like dying if my wife Amanda would leave me.

"Please, don't do this to me", I continued crying and kneeled down.

"Go home"

I was surprised when I thought I heard a voice, not that loud or low but directly into my mind. Even so, a small possibility of hope I grabbed as I walked home. Tears were blocking my sight while it never stopped from falling. I started walking slowly, later I ran after pulling the hope in my thoughts that my wife was going to be alright.

"Honey, Honey"

Still preventing myself not to be excited much or it would just disappoint me whenever what would happen.

Slowly, opening the door, I tried to close my eyes and was afraid to face the truth.

"Honey, come here."

It's my wife, her face was so clear like a young maiden, smiling while calling me.

"Honey?" I cried, running towards her and hugging her.

"Thank you." I kept saying my gratitude and also let my tears explain how I was so happy.

"Stop crying now, Kent."

She was rubbing my hair and I never stopped hugging her. Happiness seeing my wife fine and well that I couldn't ask for more. I thought of not letting her go or I was afraid that she might return to how ill she was.


"Kent, let go."

I heard a voice and it felt like I was just dreaming but I didn't understand. I could see my wife clearly and she was smiling at me. Why did I hear a voice but I couldn't see anyone around me?

"Kent, wake up!"

I heard a voice again but this time I woke up after I felt a strong slap on my face.


I was curious about what's happening as I looked around me. I hated to see the expression on their faces. They pitied me and I felt like I already knew why.

I slowly looked into my wife who was lying on the bed. I remembered I was hugging her while she caught her breath to live.


Again I couldn't accept the reality that she left me already. I felt like dying, I cried and sobbed.

"Please don't --"

"That's enough, Kent."

My family pulled me away from my wife because the embalmer is coming to do his work. I forced myself to let go but I couldn't when my wife's brothers held me tightly. I just gave up, loosen my shoulders, and surrendered that it's the reality.

One week after the burial of my wife I still showed the will to live. Her memories kept hurting me because no matter what I did they only remained just memories. I stopped working and sometimes I skipped meals. Thankfully, I had 2 children who always took care of me even though they're still young. Jana was 8 years old and Mike was 12 years old.



My mother looked so mad approaching our house while I was seated on the balcony looking in a very far direction. I didn't know what's going on but I felt like I didn't care at all.


My mom slapped me again and cried.

"Is the world ending already? Have you forgotten that you still have children? Did you know that Mike stopped studying because he's so worried about you? Jona was thinking the same because she felt like no one would be there for her. Come on, Kent, wake up!"

My mother said it was true, I forgot everything, even the people who loved me because of the pain. I forgot my responsibilities and I forgot that my children would suffer if I were gone as well.

I looked at my two children, took their distance from me. My heart was piercing after I woke up to reality and I saw how I made their lives miserable. I started crying while looking at them and I called them, opened both of my arms to hug them. How unfortunate they were to be like that and started running towards me, excitedly and crying.

"I'm sorry."

We were crying and hugging each other tightly.

"So sorry for leaving you like that. Please forgive Dad for being like this. I was totally stupid for letting you live like that."

I realized that I should have given up life because there were still people who would be sad and suffered because of me. I could still feel the pain from my wife but I must be strong for the children that resembled our love.

"Thank you, Mom."

If not because of my mom I wouldn't wake up from my foolishness. To make sure that I was ready to face the reality we planned to visit the grave of my wife or the mother of my children next weekend.