Jealousy

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People get jealous when they want something from others but they can't have it. ~ mrnightmare

I've been jealous most of my life. The day I finally understood what was life. I started to sense that the world wasn't fair. I saw myself in the mirror and I remember those people who have something I wanted and I wish to be mine. The looks, the attitude, the skills, the status and many more. I was jealous while I was thinking about how pity I was having a life like this.

In my elementary days, high school days and college days. I isolated myself to avoid bullying and discriminating. From my looks and from our life status. Well, because we were so poor when I was in my elementary. I experienced more bullying when I was in elementary and in high school because most of my classmates knew me. Some of them were my neighbours. Of course, they knew how poor we were before. My father was a fisherman and at the same time a farmer. He also did carpentry but he was just a helper. My mother was just a housewife and sometimes he washed clothes in the river from random people who asked her to do laundry.

It's obvious how poor we were before. Sometimes I went home crying because my classmates made fun of me. They pulled down my short and I was wearing underwear because I didn't have one when I was on my Grade 2. I cried because I was so embarrassed. Even in my younger age, I felt ashamed of how people looked at me with the eyes of discrimination. I began to feel jealous of other people when I was bullied and began to compare myself to others.

"Why only me who experience like this?" As an innocent boy who didn't expand his field of vision. I was stupid to believe that it happened only to me. I began to ask myself all the time but one thing I am proud of. I didn't ask my parents why we were poor. I know it's very painful to them if I'll ask them. In my younger age, I already knew how painful the words that can give. But in myself, I was always jealous back then.

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I thought when I was in college I can fully understand life and stop the feeling of being jealous. However, it just worsened because I felt insecure about how I looked. There was this a pretty woman who I liked but when I saw the guys who were always with him. I paused a while and looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself. "Do I have the quality to be with this woman?" I then realised that I didn't have and that's why I just stared at her from a distance. I wanted to be her friends but I was always afraid that she might just laugh my courage to talk to her.

I overcame the feeling of insecurities but another type of jealousy again came. I was jealous of how people were so good of something. I wanted to be like them so I tried to copy their ways. I thought that by doing that I can be like them. However, I was wrong again and the world was unfair again. I couldn't be that good like them. I have no talent or skills to show the world.

I was jealous of how good they were in writing. How good they were in art and how good they were in handling things that they can be noticed for just a few days. It's hard to overcome jealousy especially if you really wanted to have it but you just can't. Not everything in this world can be taken or not everything will be possible.

Little I learned something. To avoid jealousy is to avoid wanting things without hard work. To make sure you will not feel jealous is to be happy for their achievements. It might not be yours but it can make you inspired to do something better. Stop the jealousy because you can't do things normally. You always compare your work from others that will end up no sense at all.

It's painful to be happy for others but that's the only way you can forget the things you wanted. By doing that just said it after, "I will just do my best next time. I have the guys even though I don't have the talents."

thank you for reading