Food for Sister
Random emotions I don't understand. I'm feeling sad but tears won't come. Am I just being exaggerated or am I just faking myself? My eyes are going down and wanted to close but don't want to sleep yet. I'm catching my breath as I'm tired feeling like this. I want someone to be here. It could be anyone as long as this sadness will get off on me.
An inner me keep on telling just to give already. What's the purpose of doing my best? Why I'm still crawling when there are no footsteps to follow. Why I'm still fixated with this kind of dreams when in fact I forgot it before? What the reason for continuing it if it's impossible? Different emotions and different thoughts came into my mind.
I don't hold the path of my fate but I think it's obvious that my destination will be a failure. I knew it already, I knew it from the first time I started clinging into this dream again. The feelings I had before still fresh in my heart. Yet, I'm here again seeing a light of hope into it. I don't like this part of me being hard-headed. Why not give up just like before and just cover the ears from their words full of blame. Maybe this time would be fine because my heart is already numb for telling me a Disappointment.
I want to be in a place that I will be completely alone. I don't want to see people and I don't want them to hear. I wish to shout out loud because of how heavy am I feeling right now. I want to cry and lay down like a child. The sentiment in myself desires to go out so it would make me feel a little better. But how can I if just thinking of it makes me fluster already.
I'm desperate to let this kind of feeling to go out but still hesitate to do. Why can't I be like them who can open up effortlessly? Is there something wrong with them or it's just me who is very wrong acting like this? I'm tired of hiding and chooses to just forget it. What am I afraid of? Why I can't be honest to myself to ease the pain inside?
Okay, I'm just really tired. Just let it flow now and wait for tomorrow because for sure this grief will fade. I will just ignore it and accept that the kind of life I have will always be like this. Now, I will just rest and hopefully can rest right away. This night will end and just expect for a nicer day for tomorrow.
Thank you for reading