Food for Sister
"Please tell me what's happening to us? Do you want all those dreams we built just fade?" I said to Lara but she ignored me and leave right away. I don't understand why it comes like this when before we were so happy in love just awhile ago.
"Say ah, big mouth Bern." We were so sweet back then like this when we were eating together at a beach. We kept playing like a child lied down together when we got tired. That moment just one of the happiest time of my life.
I didn't believe in the superstitious belief that if a relationship reaches 9 years old without getting married, the couples will be separated for sure. I didn't think it's true because it depends on persons feeling, not about the long years they spent. Yes, I saw a lot of couples broken up but I never thought of it threatening. We have a long relationship because we're not that stable yet. We are taking our time together to make sure thigs will be flawless when we will get married.
One afternoon I'm just watching the sky while waiting for Lara to arrive. I'm smiling because I'm so lucky to have Lara as my love. I'm not popular with the girls and I don't know how to approach girls. Despite my ugly face, I'm not confident to talk to them. That's why when Lara accepted my love through a message and confirmed it in person. I couldn't believe it and always thankful for her. Since then, Lara became my world and nothing else. I didn't care if I don't have friends to talk to as long as there is Lara for me. That's what I thought but for the first time in our relationship. Lara didn't come and didn't send me a message to inform me why.
My colourful world became colourless. I'm not losing hope yet and go directly into their house to learn why. When I'm there her parents told me that she left long ago with friends. "She didn't tell me about that." In my thoughts, while I'm feeling helpless. I don't want to cry because I'm not sure what's going on yet. Unexpectedly my tears falling without realising it. I denied the pain that I'm feeling it by smiling while wiping my tears. "Huh, what is this, why am I crying. Did just dust come into my eyes? Ah, maybe there was." I whispered while forcing myself to smile.
Day after day I keep on searching for Lara. I miss her so much, I wanted to see her smile, I wanted to hold her and I wanted to feel she loves me. However, I always left behind a few steps because she left already when I arrived at their house. I returned to a loner loser again, spending alone in a place I could let it out all my sadness. I'm crying while thinking about the sweet memories we had back then. We were living quite a distance to each other, so it's not easy to catch her while she's at their house.
It was a month already since I haven't seen Lara but I still couldn't comprehend that it is happening to me now. To other people maybe it's obvious if they'll know what Lara was doing to me. But how could I accept that it's the reality now when I'm still holding the dreams we built. I thought that we will be meant for each other in the future. Our situation before and her attitude the same as my mother told me that she's my future wife. Basically, it's just me who lied to myself that she's the one for me.
I could tell from people's eyes how they pitied me for catching Lara while she's riding on a car with her friends. I am running as fast to reach her and to see me because I thought she just didn't notice me and that's the reason she never looked back. I didn't see where I am running because I keep on running fast and accidentally I tipped something in my feet. I fell down and I rolled down because of the speed of my running. I have wounds in my knee and a little scratch of my face. I don't stand right away and looked afar that maybe Lara would stop if she'll see me lying down. But again, she never cared and just fading on my sight.
I stood up and nodded my head to avoid the people's eyes. I knew how embarrassing I did but I didn't think of it since I was determined to reach Lara.
"I failed again," In my thoughts while lying in the shore. I forced myself to smile but a flooding tears in my eyes. I kept staring at the sky while talking to myself.
"Why Lara didn't pity me? Why she couldn't pity me even though she doesn't love me? How could she keep on ignoring my love for her?"
I couldn't stop emotions anymore. My tears falling like heavy rain. I'm sobbing while covering my eyes with my arms.
"Bern...." Someone called me and I know that voice came from Lara. I stand up immediately to search where was the voice came from. Lara is on my back and I wipe my tears while showing her with a smiling face. But the smile suddenly faded like dyed leaves.
"Please stay away from me Bern. You became an eyesore."
I opened my mouth as I cannot believe what she just said. My tears are falling again so fast like my clothes are getting wet. I kneel down facing her.
"Please tell me what's happening to us? Do you want all those dreams we built just fade? I don't understand why it comes like this when before we were so happy in love with each other?"
"I'm pregnant Bern," She said it directly.
I want to catch my breath after what I just hear. I want to combine the words I need to tell with her even though it's unbearable. All I just thought that it's painful seeing her not in my life. I don't care for the shame or pride.
"I don't care Lara as long as you will be mine forever. I can be the father of that baby in your womb."
I hold her hand while walking by my knees.
"Please Lara, don't do this. Everything will be fine when we stay together."
She pulled her hand and looks annoyed.
"I don't love you anymore, you are a boring man."
I become speechless of what she said. I don't know what to say after what she said. My heart is like being pierced by an arrow. Not from cupid but from a grim reaper. I continue crying as she turned her back and walking away. I remain to nod my head and just staring where my tears falling down. I'm wondering if what she's showing to me since before were just lies. I keep on crying hard as she is disappearing. I have nothing to do anymore but to cry.