NO PROMISES

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Kitang kita ko sa mga mata ni Ana ang lungkot. Nag date kami ngayon dahil bukas aalis na ako para mag abroad at magtrabaho sa ibang bansa. Tatlong taon din ang kontrata kaya medyo matagaltagal din yon. Ayoko man mawalay sakanya ng ganoon katagal pero wala akong magagawa dahil para sa bukas namin to. May plano kaming magtayo ng negosyo kaya gusto kong makapag-ipon ng malaki. Sa ibang bansa ko lang kasi magagawa yon dahil sa Pinas napakaliit ng sahod.

"Mag-ingat ka doon Paul ah at 'wag mong kalimutan tumawag sakin ah. Bago ka umalis sa trabaho at sa pag uwi galing sa trabaho." Sabi ni Ana sakin habang ang luha ay dahan dahang tumulo at yumakap sakin.
Ngumiti ako saknya kahit halata naman ang lungkot.
"Oo naman, ikaw pa. Buhay kaya kita, hindi ko magagawang hindi ka makita kahit sa phone lang." Ssgot ko

It's written in the face of Ana the sadness. We are dating now because tomorrow morning I will go abroad to work. I have 3 years contract in working there so it's kind of long. I don't want to be separated from her for long but I have no choice, it's about our future. We have plans to make a small so I need to earn a bigger amount. I can only have that amount of working abroad. You know the Philippines, the salary is too low.

"Make sure to be careful there Paul and don't forget to call me. Before you'll go to work and after work." Ana said to me while her tears are slowly falling and hugs me.

I just glimpse even though it's obvious the sadness being drawn in my face.

"Of course, you are my world. I can't do anything without seeing your face even just on a mobile phone.

Hindi ko gustong taposin ang gabing kasama ko sya. Hindi ko kayang putolin ang gabi na nakikita syang umiiyak. Hindi ko kayang makita syang ganyan dahil hindi ko rin kaya talaga ang lungkot na aking nadarama. Pero kailangan lakasan loob at umuwi na dahil bukas ay aalis ako. Pansin kong ayaw nyang bitawan ang mga kamay ko noong aalis na ako pagktapos kung ihatid sya sa bahay nila.

Rinig na rinig ko ang umiiyak nyang puso at ang paghihikahos nya sa kakatawag ng pangalan ko. Ngunit kailangan magpatuloy dahil alam ko pag nakaalis na ako magiging okay na rin nman. Matatanggap na malayo na talaga kami sa isa't isa. Masakit man pero para sa bukas kailangan tatagan ang loob. Walang mangyayari kung pag-ibig nalang palagi ang nasa isipan.

I don't want this night to end together with her. I don't want to let this night pass seeing her crying. I can't take it seeing her like that because the truth is. I can't take this sadness that I'm feeling inside. But I need to be strong and need to go home because tomorrow I will be leaving. Although I notice her don't want to let go of my hands when I'm going to leave after I sent her home.

I could hear her heart loudly that it's crying and catching her breather while calling my name. But I must continue because when I'm far this sadness will be normal. We can accept the fact that we are now far from each other. Of course, it hurts but it's for our future and I need to endure it. Nothing will happen if we will priorities our love for each other.

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Napakalungkot ng malayo kay Ana. Gusto ko syang mayakap at mahagkan lalo na't sa oras na pagod ako. Gusto kong humugot ng lakas sakanya para maging okay na ulit ako. Pero katulad ngayon, lumipas ang dalawang taon dito sa abroad parang nanlalamig na sya sa akin. Paminsan minsan nalang kami nag-uusap sa video call at kung mag-usap man parang lagi pa syang nagmamadali. Nakaramdam na ako ng duda sa mga kinikilos nya kaso kapag tinatanong ko sya nagagalit sa akin. Kinakalimutan ko nalang kasi ayokong mag-away kami sa sitwasyon na ganito. Maraming nangyayari kapag nag-aaway sa pamamagitan ng phone.

Lumipas ang tatlong taon at natapos na rin ang kontrata ko. Excited ako na umuwi para makita si Ana sa wakas. Wala akong ibang iniisip kundi ang makita sya at mayakap at masabi na "miss na miss ko na sya na parang mamamtay na ako." Kaya pagdating ko sa Pinas, hindi muna ako dumaan sa bahay at dumiretso sa bahay ni Ana. Tumakbo pako papunta sa bahay nila noong bumaba na ako sa bus na sinakyan ko. Hindi ko na talaga matiis na hindi ko sya makita ngayong andito na ako sa Pinas.

Pagdating ko sa bahay nila napansin kung my binantayan syang bata. Kinabahan ako kasi parang may nararamdaman akog kakaiba pero kinalimutan ko ito at ngumiti lang.

"Baka anak ng kapatid nya." Paliwanag sa sarili.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagpasok ng dahan-dahan dahil gusto ko syang surprisahin. Hindi ko pinatunog ang bawat apak ko para hindi nya ako mapansin. Nakarating ako sa likoran nya ng hindi nya napansin. Niyakap ko sya bigla habang nakatalikod sya sa akin.

"Miss na miss na kita Ana." Bulong ko sakanya.

Nagulat ako dahil alam kong kilala nya ang boses ko para bakit bigla nyang hinawi ang mga braso ko para makawala sya sa mga yakap ko. Bumagsak ako sa sahig na nakaupo dahil sa ginawa nya. Bigla akong nagdrama sa ginawa nya, nalungkot ako at gusto syang tanongin. Pero una syang humingi ng sorry sa akin at sabi.

"Patawad Paul, nabigla ako."

Ngumiti lang ako kasi siguro nanibago lang sya sa boses ko dahil matagal na kaming hindi nag usap sa personal. Tumayo ako habang iniiling ang ulo ko na nagpapahiwatig na ayos lang. Lalapit ako kasi gusto ko syang yakapin pero dahan dahan syang umatras. Nagulat ako sa expression nya, parang takot sya at iniiwasan ako.

"Sino yan honey?" Sabi ng lalake na naglalakad papunta sakanya.

It is very sad to be away from Ana. I want to hug and kiss her especially when I am tired. I want to draw strength from her so that I can be okay again. But just like today, two years have passed here abroad as ifs he is getting cold to me. We only talk occasionally in the video call and even if we talk, she always seems to be in a hurry. I already feel doubt in her cases and when I ask her, she is angry with me. I just forget because I don't want us to fight in a situation like this. A lot happens when fighting over the phone.

Three years passed and my contract ended as well. I was excited to go home to finally see Ana. I have no other thought but to see her and hug her and say "I miss her so much that I feel like I'm going to die." So when I arrived in the Philippines, I did not go through the house first and went straight to Ana's house. I ran to their house when I got off the bus I was riding. I really can't stand not seeing her now that I'm here in the Philippines.

When I arrived at their house I noticed that there's a child was being watched over. I was nervous because I felt something strange but I forgot about it and just smiled.

"Maybe her brother's son." Self-explanation.

I continued to enter slowly because I wanted to surprise her. I did not create a sound my every step so that she would not notice me. I got behind her without him noticing. I hugged her suddenly as she turned his back on me.

"I miss you so much Ana," I whispered to her.

I was surprised because I knew she knew my voice so why did she suddenly pull my arms away so she could get away from my hugs. I fell to the floor sitting because of what she did. I suddenly being dramatic about what she did, I was sad and wanted to ask her. But she first apologized to me and said.

"Sorry Paul, I'm shocked."

I just smiled because maybe she didn't recognize my voice because we haven't talked in person for a long time. I stood up while shaking my head indicating that it was okay. I approached because I wanted to hug her but she slowly backed away. I was surprised by her expression, she seemed scared and avoided me.

"Who is that honey?" Said the man walking towards her.

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Nakita ko kung paano akbayan ng lalake si Ana. Kahit hindi na sya magpaliwanag sa akin, alam ko na pero hindi lang ako makapaniwala. Hindi ko kaya ang sakit ng nadarama sa loob ko. Gusto kung sumigaw at magalit dahil sa ginawa nya. Pero ayokong mag skandalo sa bahay nila at baka mag-away pa sila ng lalaking sigurado akong asawa nya. Ang sakit sakit ng naramdaman ko pero hindi ako dapat umiyak sa harap nila kaya ngumiti lang ako at sabay sabi.

"Kaibigan nya sa college, kakarating ko lang kasi galing ibang bansa kaya bumisita lang ako sakanya. Kanina pa ako dito kaya aalis muna ako, babalik nalang ako next time." Gumawa na lang ako ng rason dahil baka hindi ko na makayanan at maging kalma.

"Honey, hatid ko lang sa labas si Paul."

"Huwag na, kaya ko na." Pag-aatubiling sagot.

"Ayos lang Paul." Sagot ng asawa ni Ana.

Pagdating namin sa labas doon sa may kalsada banda bigla syang nagsalita habang nasa likoran ko sya.

"Patawad Paul." Nanginginig nyang boses dahil umiiyak.

Kaya ayokong magpahatid saknya dahil dito eh. Biglang bumigay ang puso ko at tumubod ang mga luha. Hindi ako sumagot at hindi ako gumalaw para mapigilan ko pa ang sarili ko. Ngunit bigla syang pumunta sa harap ko kaya hindi ko napigilan ang nararamdaman ko. Sumimangot ang mukha ko dahil hindi ko na napigilan na humihikbi ako at sabi.

"Paano mo nakayanang ipagpalit ako?"

Nagbalak syang humawak sa akin pero hindi ko sya hinayaan at umalis nalang. Hindi ko man alam kung anong mangyayari sa akin pagkatapos nito pero bahala na. Iiyak nalang ako ng iiyak hanggang mawawala ang sakit.

I saw how the man how he put his arm in the shoulder of Ana. Even if she doesn't explain to me, I already knew but I just can't believe it. I can't stand the pain inside me. I want to shout and get angry because of what she did. But I don't want a scandal in their house and they might even fight with that man I'm sure is her husband. The pain feels so hurt but I should not cry in front of them. I just smiled and said at the same time.

"His friend in college, I just arrived from another country so I just visited her. I was here earlier so I will leave first, I will just come back next time." I just made excuses because I might not be able to cope and be calm.

"Honey, I will just send Paul outside."

"Don't bother, I can do it." Hesitant answer.

"It's okay Paul." Ana's husband answered.

When we got out there on the side of the road she suddenly spoke while she was behind me.

"Forgive me, Paul." Her voice was trembling because she was crying.

That's why I don't want her to send me outside because of this. Suddenly my heart gave out and tears welled up. I did not answer and did not move so I could control myself. But she suddenly came in front of me so I could not control how I felt anymore. My face frowned because I couldn't help but sob and say.

"How did you manage to replaced me?"

She planned to hold me but I did not let her and just left. I don't even know what will happen to me after this but it's up to me now. I will just cry and cry until the pain goes away.

END....